How do you speak the words;
I no longer want this life,
And be heard without judgement?
Tears constantly fall that no one sees,
Pain that no one understands,
Self loathing that will never be spoken.
Constant overhanging darkness
Draining the light from every angle
Like a swarm of fear, hatred and death.
Drowning, choking, fading away,
Loathing existance with every breath
Crumbling, falling, drowning with emotion.
Heart locked in a steel box
Pad locked and hang tightly
Protected from the violence
In a world of love
The lies the torment the abuse
All kept at arms length
Until the beating heart is cold
Still and lifeless in a boned cage
Metal melted away from loneliness
For the world to see the truth
The longing the pain
That all it ever wanted
Was a box for two
And be complete…
Sitting here
thinking it through
of all things I long to say
to tell you how I feel
and what it means
begging for the day you sit up
take notice
knowing it will never come
Longing looks
sideways glances
dying inside laughter escapes
ripped at the seams and hiding away
no breath escapes
waiting praying begging
hoping…
It never ends,
never ends,
just keeps going
on and on
until the world stops spinning,
singing.
Blurred into existence
torn from reality
out of control
control.
Crawling backwards
sinking downwards.
Mumbled, jumbled.
It never ends,
never ends,
just keeps going
on and on
until the world stops spinning,
singing.
The smell hits me like a wall
hard in my mind
the sweet odour of paint
shot from a gun
I’m back to all those years ago
when you were by my side
and life was a song
melody playing in the air
like a dying love song.
Walking through empty rooms
watching the laughs, the smiles,
come to life before my eyes
the smalls things we took for granted
every one is held with these walls
faded in the fire of my heart
but clear as crystal in my mind.
The reason I ran,
the reason I cried,
the reason I died.
Now I’m back it’s all still here
drowning me in tears.
Rooftop Rendezvous 